Tag Archive | Depression

Choices

There are days when I wonder why I didn’t do more.

They say, in the end, you are more likely to regret the things you didn’t do, than the things you did.

Travel, adventure, taking chances…all the things you dream of when you’re young (while you haven’t yet stepped out into the world on your own).

I think about this, and wonder what I could’ve been…where I could’ve gone…how things might have been different.

We make decisions in our lives that prove to be stepping-stones to the next place.

Choices made…changed plans.  We pave a way that we will go…and go, we do.

Sometimes to fortune, wealth, ease in living.  Other times to struggle, hardships, back-breaking work.

Could one tiny misstep have changed it all?  Would one little flip of hair, or quick turn the other way, made all the difference?

Who knows, but God?

My only wish, is that the person within, would stop the taunting…the questioning…the “what ifs”…and let me be.

Let me live my life…this crooked, stoney path I’ve chosen…and let me see, the shimmering gold, and the slivers of diamond, scattered among the stones.

Remove this dark veil of second guessing from my eyes…and just let me see.

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~The Past~

How many of us feel trapped by our past?

Like someone has a tight grasp on your shirttail,  and holds you still as you try to move forward?

More than just leftover feelings…

It’s as if every day of your present is spent looking back at a faraway scene…seeing yourself in it, as if it were just moments before.

Wishing you could step back into the memory, and nothing would’ve changed.  Wondering if you would feel as lost and fearful as you do right now in this seemingly happy life.

To see the faces that were there…to hear the sounds and feel the touch of the past.

To stand in front of a mirror, and see no signs of the world on your shoulders, showing in your face.

Baxter

BAXTER…

Wet nose on my pillow,

fuzzy little feet.

You’re a special gift from heaven

there’s nothing else as sweet.

Little moppy hairdo,

and ears that touch the floor,

your toenails do a tapdance

as you scurry out the door.

You’ve been here when I’m happy

when I’m grumpy, sad, and beat.

You’re my furry little angel,

and you make my life complete.

ASMR…

ASMR…Have you heard of it?  I recently discovered there is a whole community online concerning asmr.  It’s not a new phenomenon, but it is newly “named”.  I stumbled upon it by accident while looking for makeup tutorials on youtube.  A woman was opening a plastic bag of cotton pads, and that was it!  I thought it was going to be a “haul” video, or a review on a product.  Nope.  Just opening the bag.  I watched it…and listened…and was mesmerized.  It sounds weird, but it is a wonderful form of relaxation.  You have to be a little careful and discerning when searching for these types of videos.  Believe it or not…there are some weirdos out there.  😉  I have 2 different channels that I watch.  If you’ve heard of asmr or would like to learn more, leave me a comment.

No Air

Life hurts.  Right now, I’m disappointed, discouraged, disheartened, and just plain sad.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get back up again.  You think your life will turn out a certain way, but it goes off on some wild, ugly ride…and throws you out, flat on your face.  Or your stomach.  Did you ever lie on a swing, on your stomach, when you were a kid…push off with your feet…soar in the air…then the swing would slide out from under you…and slammed you ,stomach first, in the dirt?  You gasped and choked and groaned…but no air!!  Finally…after you thought for sure you were dying…you breathed again.  Well…I feel like I just hit the dirt.  No air.  I’m ready to breathe again.

Rain.

  

 It’s raining here.  Gray, dreary skies.  Muddy yard.  Muddy puppy feet. 

 TWELVE MUDDY PUPPY FEET!  

 

                     

  

 

 Thank goodness for my Swiffer.

 

                                 I feel gloomy.  My family feels gloomy.  I’ve got to brighten this house up a little.  Days like this drag us down.  I can’t imagine living where the darkness stays for months.  People go mad from it.  I know I would. 

We tried one of the lights for Seasonal Affective Disorder…but not much luck with it.  It was very expensive.  So we sent it back. 

Do you have issues with low light, or the winter months affecting your moods?  Increasing your depression?  What do you do to try and overcome it? 

Indoor Tanning helps me.  I’m not endorsing this, because it is known to cause skin cancer and premature aging.  This should be enough to scare me, I know, 

But the vibrant light is energizing to me.  The intense heat does wonders for my fibromyalgia and arthritis.  Not so good for my skin. 

A vacation would be nice right about now.  When we were visiting St. Thomas…our taxi driver called the rain “Liquid Sunshine”.  Isn’t that a nice way to put it?  It was different there though…the rain fell for a few minutes…but the sun stayed. 

So nice. 

 So warm…

so NOT Ohio.  :/